Royal Victoria Marathon Here I Come!

I started out raising funds for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and Team in Training during their winter season after having an exhilarating Summer season concluding with my run at the Nike Women's Marathon last October. I was planning to run Napa and I was doing this in honor of my friend Natalie and my aunt Fran who have both been dealing with a Lymphoma diagnosis. Unfortunately, I had to forgo my fundraising for the winter due to some family issues that arose. Fortunately the good folks at TNT agreed to hold the money I had raised to be used for another season.

I have to admit, my dear husband lit a fire under me to join the summer season. "These people donated to your cause and you need to run." he told me.

And I am running. I have decided that this year I will run the Royal VIctoria Marathon in Victoria, British Columbia or Canada. I'm going to Canada!

I am still running in honor of my friend and my aunt but I am also running in honor of every person whose life has been touched by cancer. My dad, my grandmother, my beloved cousin Kyle, my sister in law's dad, my son's preschool teacher, my friend who lives around the corner from me, my friend Kim's mother, my friend Kris's best friend. The list is endless. And sadly, the list seems to be growing.

And the thing is that it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be growing. It is the year 2009 and too many people are getting cancer. It shouldn't be happening anymore.

And the great thing about LLS is that they focus their research on blood cancers and most scientists agree that blood cancers are the forefront to unlocking cures for all cancers. All cancers. Think about that.

So once again I am running and I am raising money to fight this nasty disease that has affected so many people I care about. Please consider donating to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and helping me reach my goal.

Please use the link to donate online quickly and securely plus learn more about my progress. You will receive a confirmation of your donation by email and I will be notified as soon as you make your donation.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sj/RoyalVic09/bethgo

Each donation helps accelerate finding a cure for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma. More than 823,000 Americans are battling these blood cancers. I am hoping that my participation in Team In Training will help bring them hope and support.

Speaking Out

It's not a secret. I've been on an antidepressant for over a year. And my life has improved vastly.

I am happier, more self confident and I can handle disappointment much better than I ever have in the past.

Well last week, I ran out of my current meds and the pharmacy had not received a new prescription from my doctor. I tried to fill it over the weekend because I noticed I was on edge and went home empty handed. At home, my temper became shorter and shorter. My husband and I started to bicker over laundry and argument that went South fast. By Saturday night, on the eve of my thirty-seventh birthday I was wide awake at two am and feeling like crap.

I was so sad and angsty and I felt completely worthless. I was sitting on the couch watching some old movie and thinking about what a horrible person I am and how I don't deserve my children and how my husband would be better off without me and how everyone hates me and how I am all alone and deserve to be alone.

I felt so bad.

And it was weird because I know it's NOT TRUE!! But I couldn't help feeling it.

Fortunately, I had a stash of some old Prozac in my medicine cabinet. I took some and by morning the angst was gone. No really. It disappeared.
That is the power of serotonin.
It's all about the serotonin and my inability to naturally produce normal mounts of it.

This experience has been eye-opening.

I am mentally ill. I have a mental illness. I have real live clinical depression. I do.

It is very weird to realize the effect one little chemical can have on your brain. That one little chemical or the lack thereof can reduce me to a sniveling pile of goo in just a few short days.

But you know what's even worse. The fact that the feelings I was enduring that Saturday night. That used to be my normal. From the age of twelve to the age of thirty-five. That angst. That sadness. The nervousness. The insomnia. I felt it every single day for years and years.

Thirteen years of feeling like hell and fighting it. Man! What was I thinking?

I'll tell you what I was thinking. That it was shameful to take an antidepressant. That if I just tried harder I would feel better. That I somehow deserved to feel like crap most every day. I didn't know any better. And I didn't really think that a drug could help me so much. You know?

Crazy huh?

All I can say is thank goodness I found my biological family and found out I wasn't alone in this. Thank goodness I found a doctor who listened and helped me find the medicine that worked for my brain. Thank goodness I finally came to my senses and realized there might be something that would help me after all these years of fighting depression and hating myself.

It is hard to admit that a big chunk of who I am is part of a chemical reaction. That is humbling. But I am not ashamed or embarrassed that I found help in a bottle of pills.

Since starting on anti-depressants I have become a better wife, a better mom and a better friend. Heck, I was feeling so good after starting the meds, I decided to run a marathon and raise money to fight cancer. That is big. It's huge.
And I'm running another one. It's amazing!

There is a part of me that wishes I didn't need them. that I could be happy and ok without them, but my brain needs them. Thank goodness they exist.

I Think the Only Person Who Reads Here Anymore is My Mom

And that is ok. I actually like it that way.
I have to tell this story though in case someday I forget it. My mom has already heard it though. Bear with me Mom.

Riley being the younger brother, wears a lot of hand-me-downs. He even has hand-me-down underwear. Ewwww!

But he likes it really. In fact on the rare occasions that I buy him new clothes, he tells me he can't wear them because they make him look too handsome.

Seriously. He'll put something on that is brand new, take a look in the mirror then shake his head pull it off and grab for the ratty old Spiderman shirt in the bottom of the drawer.

Too handsome.

Doesn't that just beat it all?

A Very Power Rangers Birthday

Riley's birthday was a couple of weeks ago. He is now officially four.
We had a little party at our swim club. Much fun was had. I made the cake and the pinata (it's a Power Ranger's head not an Easter Egg). Here are pics.


Both the cake and the pinata were really fun to make. I ordered the cake pan off of ebay which is something I always find exciting. The pan is circa 1994 and I got it for $10.50. Nice. I made the frosting from scratch and piped all of it onto the cake myself. It was a good time.
Riley seemed to appreciate my efforts too. He was proud of me.
And he loved his party and seeing all of his pals on the hottest day of the year so far.
We had a great day.
And now for new adventures with my four-year-old guy. It's going to be a blast.

Ok, The Last Post was Mean

I was in a bad mood and hating everyone. There is no excuse.

Good thing no one seems to be reading here though. So it's all good.

I am ready for a vacation that's all. I'm just done, you know?

Bring on summer.

I Don't Understand Why Some People Post Pics of Themselves All the Time

I'm not saying this to be mean. But I just don't get it. Why?

Unless you're being funny, why?

There are some bloggers who post pics of themselves daily. IMO even weekly is excessive.

Why?

I'm guessing it's a little bit of everything.
I have my own theories/judgements but I'd really like to hear it from the people who do it.

Why?

I've always wanted to know.

Why?

And just for the record...

I think Prop 8 is stupid and horribly bigoted. I am ashamed that it passed.
I have friends who voted for Prop 8 and while I respect their decision (kind of...well...not really), I heartily disagree.
People fall in love.
People should be able to get married and have the same protection under the law as everyone else.
It's like my former neighbor who is 70 said, "It's not about how anyone feels about the gays (her words) it's about the fact that this is taking people's rights away."

And when we do that, we set freedom back and hurt our country more than two people in love would ever do.

I don't even know why I am thinking about this tonight but it's been months since this thing passed and it still upsets me.