The Fight

We've had an interesting couple of months. Lots of downs. Lots of turmoil. Lots of not so fun stuff to tell the truth. It was like I pulled the Dark Tower card and the Death card together if you know what I mean.

The biggest thing was a classmate of A's who needed help that he clearly wasn't getting and was acting violently toward the other children in class. It got really bad.

We considered pulling our son from school. We considered homeschooling him. We considered a lot of things but then said no. This is our neighborhood school. It is one of the reasons we bought our house here. We love this school and darnit, we are not leaving.

Now I want to clarify, the problem we had was not with the kid. The kid had issues that needed to be addressed and in our opinion were just not being taken seriously by the administration. I never had a problem with the kid but the fact that the school was for whatever reason not taking the steps we felt were needed to keep the rest of the kids in class safe.

We followed protocol. First we spoke to the teacher. Then I met with the principal. Then after an incident where A was hurt, we sent an email. We were told that since a mark was not left on our child that we were...being dramatic? That wasn't said but it was implied.

So I documented. I documented what was happening to my kid and what was happening to other kids. I documented what I saw when I was volunteering in class.
Then my husband met with the principal. He was asked to be patient. When he suggested that perhaps OUR son be moved to another class (get the squeaky wheel out, right?) he was denied and lied to. We were told to trust the process.

And more kids got hurt.

Things would be ok for a couple of days and then another incident would occur, more drastic than the last.

And we parents were talking. And more parents were complaining that their children did not want to go to school. That they were afraid.

We watched our son's work suffer. We witnessed the insomnia, the crying the stomach aches. The principal told us that if our child was this sensitive that HE should be the one who is isolated.
Really??? Really???

But she was getting it from a lot of parents now.

And the behavior kept escalating.

Finally after one particularly bad incident, an incident that still makes me shake a little when I think about it, the teacher gathered the children while the child was not there and told them it was their job to befriend this child, to protect him and to keep other children from provoking him at recess (where the bulk of the behaviors were happening). Instead of getting this child adult supervision, they were now asking the children to police him. To police a child who had physically hurt many of them.

And that is when I lost it. I sat down and wrote one last email blasting the principal and the teacher for asking this of our children. I informed them that my child has no training in child development or behavior management. That his job was to go to school and learn and not to police other children who need more help than any child can provide. I documented even more behavior and I pleaded with the administrators to help this child. To get him an aide, to get him the support, structure and help that he needed to be successful.

I sent that email not only to the principal, but to the superintendent, the director of Special Ed and every member of the school board. Oh, and I CC'd my lawyer. The one I told them in the email we were consulting because it had gotten to that people, it had gotten to that.

Within 48 hours of my sending the email, the administration decided that the child would do better at a different school.

So that child is no longer in the class. The children seem more content, the class is back on track and things are looking up. I for one and glad that I no longer spend six hours a day praying that my son will be unharmed when I pick him up at day's end.

But I have to say that I do not believe that transferring this child to another school was the necessarily right decision. I wish that the school would have worked on solutions to keep him there. I wish they would have gotten him at least a part-time aide to help him with his social interactions. I wish the school had been more proactive and less punitive.

And I told them so at a final meeting The Husband and I attended with the principal and someone from the district. I was kind of surprised they wanted to meet with us "Well you did threaten to sue them." The Husband reminded me.

Well, yes, I kind of did.

So we met with them and they assured us that the family had opted to leave on their own (which is not what the family was telling people). They also thanked us for following protocol but expressed their concern that perhaps we were hasty involving the school board.

I told them that after countless emails and meetings we were feeling isolated and stonewalled and that we felt we had been given no other choice. Our child's safety was being threatened.

I told them I felt it was unfortunate that this child had to leave. That I didn't think that was the best solution in light of the fact that there are many other children with similar issues and it would be sad if their only recourse for help would be to leave the school.

I told them about the research I had done and how many schools with the help of aides successfully integrate children like this into the public school system.

Through much of the meeting, the administrators looked at me like you would look at your dog if it began to speak English to you.

A parent doing research on a child that is not their own? Unheard of!

Needless to say, the mother of the child who was once a friend of mine now loathes me. Somehow, she was led to believe that I was causing trouble for her child. That last day got a bit ugly. I tried to explain to her that my only intention was to get her son the help he needed. She didn't like that very much and had some choice words for me and another former friend of hers. It ended with her throwing a huge screaming f-bomb and stomping away from the playground.

I feel sad about the loss of that friendship but I know I had to advocate for my child. I'm sorry but the well-being of my son will always trump a superficial friendship. Every single time. I guess she probably feels the same way.

Personally, I think I had a lesson to learn. Fight or flight. I admit that in the last few years, my choice is to fly. I run away from a lot of conflict. I mean, I was seriously considering uprooting my child from a school he loves to avoid a confrontation. Instead I fought. I became the squeaky wheel. Who'da thunk it?

I've had parents come to me thanking me for my efforts. They express relief that this child is no longer in class. I correct them. I tell them the truth, that it was never my intention to villianize this child but simply to get him the help he needed at school and ensure the continuing safety of our children. I hope he is getting what he needs. I hope the best for him.

I really do.

I Love My Job!

Seriously. I have the best job ever. I have a great boss. I have wonderful colleagues and this year, I get to bring my darling boy to work with me. I am surrounded by the most amazing people.

I just can't get over how lucky I am sometimes.

Things are Better

And whenever I see them starting to slip back into bad habits like hitting each other or getting sassy, I make my crazy angry face and they shape up. I don't even have to say anything!

We've been playing trains today. Some older kid told R that trains are for babies. Pooh! I think they are fun.

Ok, all that Thomas stuff is a bit kooky, the only videos worth watching are the ones narrated by Alec Baldwin. He makes it hilarious. His voices are spectacular!

Today is our day of rest. It's our only day of leisure. I'm going to do a bit of laundry, a bit of cleaning and then we might head for the park.

In other news, the running is going well. I ran 20 miles on Saturday and it was pretty enjoyable. I ran fairly slowly but I'm ok with that. I was not built to be a speed demon.
For me it's all about endurance.

Just got a call to meet at a park so I guess we are off to do that now.

Housecleaning

Ha. Ha. Did you think I meant literally?
No. My house will never be clean. It is very sad and pathetic I know but it is the truth.

I am housecleaning my blog trying to get rid of all identifying pics of my kids.

The internet is not safe yo! I don't want my kids pics being used by others for weird things.

It's going to take a while to do it though. I got a lot of old posts and not a lot of patience or spare time.

After that is to scour their names off of any posting. Trying to figure out what to call them instead of their first names there is too much crazy on the internets and I am not comfortable broadcasting my children for anyone to see. I will show you my dog though. Heck, you can have her. I kid. I kid.

And speaking of dogs. We are about to drive up to a dog park in another town for a puppy and mama reunion. Yes really!
Seven of the eight puppies from Cupid's litter are coming AND they all get to see their mom because she's coming too! Open adoption people and I'm not threatened at all.
I know it is wrong to compare animal adoption to people adoption however I do think it is interesting that all of us puppy owners are actually excited to get our puppies together with their siblings and their mom. I'm just saying.

I can't actually can not wait.

Scratch that.

Wow. Got a call from the principal today.
My child is apparently not as good as I thought he was.
He is so grounded...maybe for life.

My Boys Rock

My A is just fabulous these days. He has just started 2nd grade and while he likes it, he doesn't love it. There are lots of silly rules and incentives that he really doesn't need.
I can relate, I hated second grade. Second grade if memory serves is a lot of busy work.
He also has a teacher who gets off on bathroom control meaning she only lets them go at certain times. She even gave them these tickets that they can put in a prize box to be drawn for prizes or use to go to the restroom. But A says that even if you use a ticket she still makes you wait which he doesn't think is fair.
I don't either.

My son is a good kid. He listens, he follows the rules and he gets his work done and if he needs to use the bathroom, he should get to use it.

What is even more ironic is that his teacher is pregnant. I wonder how she would feel if someone told her she couldn't use the restroom when she needed to.

So I'm walking him to school and he tells me today, "Mom, I wish you would home school me."

Ooh! That would be fun! He is so bright and he loves to learn and we could do some really cool stuff together BUT I have a job that is starting next week and this year it is just not feasible.
I hate that he feels this way. I hate that he is not enjoying school as much as he did in the past.

He told me the other day that he hates music and I almost started crying because I know my son has a good deal of aptitude when it comes to music. What he really hates is the very strict music teacher who he has been complaining about since kindergarten. He says she yells at some of the kids a lot. He doesn't like yellers, my kid...me neither.

I've decided to find him some music classes outside of school. He deserves to enjoy music.

It's just hard to see my son grow up and lose some of his passion for the things he loves.

School is supposed to inspire. It is supposed to be fun. It should be work too but it should be inspiring work. And it shouldn't be all about bathroom control. That is just obnoxious.

I have not ruled out homeschooling eventually. We will see how this year goes.

Still Here

Just not sure what to say. I like Facebook better than blogging these days. School started this week. My job begins again soon. My family is lovely.

Nothing else to say at the moment.